you procrastinator, casey ruth

After a day of love bein on rocks, I woke up feeling exhausted and worn out physically and emotionally. I kept wondering why am I waking up every hour before 9am. I'd pray in between, I thought of the worse that could happen and hoped that it wouldn't happen. I was feelin negative about certain things but then soon refused to feel that way so I chose to be postitive and be a better person, a better girlfriend...then sooner or later I wasn't so positive...
I warmed up so noodles and slurped my soup while watching the some annoying females talk on channel 7 about the academy awards. Best dressed, worse dressed.who wore my favorite dresses? Marion cotillard and audrey hepburn. I don't think anyone else can compete with those two classic, gorgeous gowns! I'd like to get into making dresses, I wished I knew how to work my sewing machine:(
Alice In wonderland, the 1950s disney cartoon disappointment in box offices back when it was released..was our movie choice this morning. I noticed a lot of smoking,deception, mushroom eating, temptation in this film. That could explain the disapppointing reviews of the 50's movie critics for children films. Watching it still did not convince me to see the more modern and wacky version releasing at 12am tonight. Count me out. My plan was to see it with jen sunday. Not sure if ill be in orange county or los angeles yet.
As the hours went by before work, the regular schedule of abc family went on and I always wondered why they kept playing this one episode of "what I like about you". I swear, I've seen it 20 times. I went online to figure out what prerequisites needed for the bsn program at st. mary's. About 28 units was what I needed and 2 weeks to register for summer semester...but I didn't feel it in me to start this summer. I really believe that you have to feel that motivation to really start something, it lacked in me. I needed to do some saving before I go part time and part time school. The car I have has really taken a toll on me financially. I need a better paying job, then maybe I will feel safe. Other than that, yes..call me a procrastinator. But wouldn't you want "all of me" my mind my heart to be "there"?
I got ready for work and headed out. My hair hasn't been colored, my tattoo hasn't been done. They have been post poned. Yes, the unnecessary but its what I've been raving about. I gotta do what I say. That goes for a lot of things.

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Work today was a hectic one. Dealt with 2 families who I felt tossed and pulled my arms like a doll..well not literally but its what I felt. Then, constant complaining from other pts...I really didn't think tonight was going to be..like this. I should just go to work knowing to "expect the unexpected" I don't know what I'd do without my assistants. I still was able to have a decent convo with him, discussed my april visit and we shared our excitement. I miss him a whole lot. I know he does more than me, so I asked him "how do you do it?!" He answered, "ling". Yes! That is.. Me...

My answer, "My hero".

As cheesy as it sounds. It is entirely true. I wouldn't know what to do without him. The distance makes the heart grow fonder. I look forward to him being here with me again. Days are passing and the time does not stop. We are going to be okay. Much assurance there.

So, do what you say. Finish what you started...

a message to myself.