Listening to "Ceremony" by New Order on the way home tonight, almost seemed..life-changing. I thought of him and only him and how i am so in love. I felt like i was falling in love over and over again! It was an intense feeling i havent felt from a song in a long time. I felt very happy. As soon as i got home, i started "bloggin", my phone starts ringing..it was him.
"omg. i totally forgot"-me
i was suppose to call him after i got off work, but i didnt get to it somehow. I told him about the joy i felt while driving home.."this song called "ceremony...". Little did i know, He told me that the song is one of his most favorite songs of all time and that he listened to it at least once a day.
"we are meant to be!"
i told him how the song made me feel and how intense it was.
we are very much in love
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
cupcakes + hot dogs
I woke up thinking about, nothing but cupcakes.
I opened my book of "cupcakes" my sister had gave me earlier in the year and went through some recipes for new cupcakes to make. Caramel cupcakes caught my eye. Ingredients: butter, brown sugar, milk, sugar(2 cups?) that's a lot of sugar i thought...
This early morning, david got a hold of me and asked if i wanted to get Pinks later tonight. I couldnt think of anything else but how cold it was this morning and couldnt bare the thought of how much colder it would be later tonight. But i still made the decision to stand in line later and get a hotdog.
My head started to ache thinking of how much i needed cupcakes. This is a true story. I was having "cupcake withdrawals" or maybe i needed sugar, sugar and more sugar. I drove to the store and picked up pre-made cupcakes, mini ones. Refused to bake some and just decided to make the caramel frosting. In other words, try to. I got home, here i am. I had my ingredients and my mini-premade cupcakes. I was determined. Prepare my ingredients.
Medium fire it said.
Butter first, then brown sugar.
"stir vigorously until boil"
*stir *stir. boiling now.
I turn off the fire, cool down for 30 mins. *wait....wait.
The 30 minutes pass and i put the 2 whole cups of sugar.
Mix..mix.
Back to the fire.
hmm..the consistency doesnt look like caramel.
I taste..*oof, this tastes like buttery sugar :(
i became sad because this was not my first time tryin to make homemade caramel. I gave up and just put it on top of the mini cupcakes, topped them with sliced almonds and there...i had 24 buttery-sugary mini-cupcakes. I tried one and was bouncing off the walls. It had too much sugar. i failed at my caramel cupcakes...
While the cupcakes were resting from my abuse, I had some blueberry bread baking in the oven. Not from scratch. I bought a box that had a can of blueberries inside! "whoa"-my reaction opening the box.
My sister Mariedet is upset with my today. She hasnt said a word to me or laughed at any of my jokes...
Later that night, i was on the phone. Short conversation with him. I stopped the phone call to spend time with mom since i haven't lately. I sat in the kitchen while she made dinner. I am always amazing how she can taste-test boiling hot soup with her bare mouth! I couldnt do that. "how do you do that!?" i asked.
She then tried my caramel cupcakes. Takes one bite, laughs and says,
"this is not how you make caramel, haha"
"i know. i will never know how to"
"i ll teach you", she says.
David soon got me and we headed out to Pinks. It was about to be 10pm. The line wasn't that bad. It hasn't been the last 2 times i went. While in line, we struggle to figure out which hot dog we want. "the america the beautiful?" "lord of the rings dog?" and talked about how its the same people working there everytime we go. Same people all these years. Very welcoming and kind. I always leave a good tip for them. During our late snack, david talked about movie screenings and earthquakes...first aid kids n stuff. Movie screenings like Valentines Day and quotes from the movie. He loved the movie as much as me. I can't wait til it comes out on dvd. All around us, tourists. Taking pictures, buying t-shirts, enjoying their hot dog. It's always amusing and cool to see. I still feel like a tourist when i visit. Half the time i forgot its "cash only". Tonight, i didnt forget. and I took a "baja" dog to go for my sister. It was a chill night.
Missing him has been on a high lately. My anticipation to see him, grows everyday...
I opened my book of "cupcakes" my sister had gave me earlier in the year and went through some recipes for new cupcakes to make. Caramel cupcakes caught my eye. Ingredients: butter, brown sugar, milk, sugar(2 cups?) that's a lot of sugar i thought...
This early morning, david got a hold of me and asked if i wanted to get Pinks later tonight. I couldnt think of anything else but how cold it was this morning and couldnt bare the thought of how much colder it would be later tonight. But i still made the decision to stand in line later and get a hotdog.
My head started to ache thinking of how much i needed cupcakes. This is a true story. I was having "cupcake withdrawals" or maybe i needed sugar, sugar and more sugar. I drove to the store and picked up pre-made cupcakes, mini ones. Refused to bake some and just decided to make the caramel frosting. In other words, try to. I got home, here i am. I had my ingredients and my mini-premade cupcakes. I was determined. Prepare my ingredients.
Medium fire it said.
Butter first, then brown sugar.
"stir vigorously until boil"
*stir *stir. boiling now.
I turn off the fire, cool down for 30 mins. *wait....wait.
The 30 minutes pass and i put the 2 whole cups of sugar.
Mix..mix.
Back to the fire.
hmm..the consistency doesnt look like caramel.
I taste..*oof, this tastes like buttery sugar :(
i became sad because this was not my first time tryin to make homemade caramel. I gave up and just put it on top of the mini cupcakes, topped them with sliced almonds and there...i had 24 buttery-sugary mini-cupcakes. I tried one and was bouncing off the walls. It had too much sugar. i failed at my caramel cupcakes...
While the cupcakes were resting from my abuse, I had some blueberry bread baking in the oven. Not from scratch. I bought a box that had a can of blueberries inside! "whoa"-my reaction opening the box.
My sister Mariedet is upset with my today. She hasnt said a word to me or laughed at any of my jokes...
Later that night, i was on the phone. Short conversation with him. I stopped the phone call to spend time with mom since i haven't lately. I sat in the kitchen while she made dinner. I am always amazing how she can taste-test boiling hot soup with her bare mouth! I couldnt do that. "how do you do that!?" i asked.
She then tried my caramel cupcakes. Takes one bite, laughs and says,
"this is not how you make caramel, haha"
"i know. i will never know how to"
"i ll teach you", she says.
David soon got me and we headed out to Pinks. It was about to be 10pm. The line wasn't that bad. It hasn't been the last 2 times i went. While in line, we struggle to figure out which hot dog we want. "the america the beautiful?" "lord of the rings dog?" and talked about how its the same people working there everytime we go. Same people all these years. Very welcoming and kind. I always leave a good tip for them. During our late snack, david talked about movie screenings and earthquakes...first aid kids n stuff. Movie screenings like Valentines Day and quotes from the movie. He loved the movie as much as me. I can't wait til it comes out on dvd. All around us, tourists. Taking pictures, buying t-shirts, enjoying their hot dog. It's always amusing and cool to see. I still feel like a tourist when i visit. Half the time i forgot its "cash only". Tonight, i didnt forget. and I took a "baja" dog to go for my sister. It was a chill night.
Missing him has been on a high lately. My anticipation to see him, grows everyday...
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
just breathe
A slight bit of miscommunication between him and I this morning. My patience has been low all week. I hung up on him thinking, "I just ruined my day"... But then it turned out to be an...Alright-day, between him and I. His midterms are tomorrow and was stressed out. "Its doable", he said. I always had confidence that he could do whatever he put his mind to. I believed in him and and believed in me. A later conversation took on like nothing ever happened that early morning. He motivated me about furthering my education which I am recently sad about being my situation with work and money. "I don't make enough", I told him. California is demanding! And my co-worker once said "californians will work til they die, just to survive!" If anything, I'd move somewhere else to make a better living. But I couldn't live without most things, people here. Born and raised here in la, it would be hard to let go of it all.
Before work, I cleaned up my room, took the trash out, organized some papers, boxes, shoes, dvds, etc. It was clean, my mind of clear and I lit a candle that I missed dearly. I remembered the scent and it brought back some memories. It mainly reminded me of last winter. I also found the receipt I scrambled to look for the day before. I wanted to return a product I didn't mean to get. When I found the receipt, I realized that I have been charged twice for that one product!! So things do happen for a reason... I rushed to that store and went straight to customer service and wanted a complete refund for the 2 I was charged. It took about...30+ mins for this to be handled. They had security, store manager and approval from some person to get all my 60 + back. Got that settled and went back home.
Soon after, I gotta get ready for work. Out the door, back to the office. I had an admission to do and a family to deal with for the rest of the night. "Ay nako"...
---after work--
I got home around 11:45 pm and everyone was asleep. I kept thinking of everyone in my family and what kind of conversations I had with each today. Any pleasin ones? Some but most made me sad and wished those conversations went more smoothly. I was tired and didn't really think of what the other would feel. All I'm saying is, they could've been better, more meaningful, more thoughtful. I'm working on it.
I warmed up a slice of cheese pizza and hot chocolate. My room is clean, My boyfriend is resting, my dog loves me, he won't stop kissing me, I feel healthy, I feel comfy in my bed. I'm okay, everythings going to be okay...
Before work, I cleaned up my room, took the trash out, organized some papers, boxes, shoes, dvds, etc. It was clean, my mind of clear and I lit a candle that I missed dearly. I remembered the scent and it brought back some memories. It mainly reminded me of last winter. I also found the receipt I scrambled to look for the day before. I wanted to return a product I didn't mean to get. When I found the receipt, I realized that I have been charged twice for that one product!! So things do happen for a reason... I rushed to that store and went straight to customer service and wanted a complete refund for the 2 I was charged. It took about...30+ mins for this to be handled. They had security, store manager and approval from some person to get all my 60 + back. Got that settled and went back home.
Soon after, I gotta get ready for work. Out the door, back to the office. I had an admission to do and a family to deal with for the rest of the night. "Ay nako"...
---after work--
I got home around 11:45 pm and everyone was asleep. I kept thinking of everyone in my family and what kind of conversations I had with each today. Any pleasin ones? Some but most made me sad and wished those conversations went more smoothly. I was tired and didn't really think of what the other would feel. All I'm saying is, they could've been better, more meaningful, more thoughtful. I'm working on it.
I warmed up a slice of cheese pizza and hot chocolate. My room is clean, My boyfriend is resting, my dog loves me, he won't stop kissing me, I feel healthy, I feel comfy in my bed. I'm okay, everythings going to be okay...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
good morning casey ruth
I woke up...got to work tryin to remember, "what do you do on sunday mornings here??" It was the first time in 4 and a half months since my last sunday morning here at work. Everyone always felt sorry that my schedule was the way it was. Leaving work at 1130pm the night before and back to work again 7 hours later. But then again, working mornings isn't so bad at all. I gotta get used to this...
Later on in the day, I got some about 30mins past 4 and had made plans with jen for the rest of the night. I did cancel on her, because of the rain. But the rain stopped and my phone rang in a text msg..."I see the sun" . A text from jen. She made sure we hung out and I was amused by it. She is so sweet and of course hanging out with my jen was always a joy. We met up at my home and decided that we were going to see Alice In Wonderland
(TBC)
Later on in the day, I got some about 30mins past 4 and had made plans with jen for the rest of the night. I did cancel on her, because of the rain. But the rain stopped and my phone rang in a text msg..."I see the sun" . A text from jen. She made sure we hung out and I was amused by it. She is so sweet and of course hanging out with my jen was always a joy. We met up at my home and decided that we were going to see Alice In Wonderland
(TBC)
Friday, March 5, 2010
you procrastinator, casey ruth
After a day of love bein on rocks, I woke up feeling exhausted and worn out physically and emotionally. I kept wondering why am I waking up every hour before 9am. I'd pray in between, I thought of the worse that could happen and hoped that it wouldn't happen. I was feelin negative about certain things but then soon refused to feel that way so I chose to be postitive and be a better person, a better girlfriend...then sooner or later I wasn't so positive...
I warmed up so noodles and slurped my soup while watching the some annoying females talk on channel 7 about the academy awards. Best dressed, worse dressed.who wore my favorite dresses? Marion cotillard and audrey hepburn. I don't think anyone else can compete with those two classic, gorgeous gowns! I'd like to get into making dresses, I wished I knew how to work my sewing machine:(
Alice In wonderland, the 1950s disney cartoon disappointment in box offices back when it was released..was our movie choice this morning. I noticed a lot of smoking,deception, mushroom eating, temptation in this film. That could explain the disapppointing reviews of the 50's movie critics for children films. Watching it still did not convince me to see the more modern and wacky version releasing at 12am tonight. Count me out. My plan was to see it with jen sunday. Not sure if ill be in orange county or los angeles yet.
As the hours went by before work, the regular schedule of abc family went on and I always wondered why they kept playing this one episode of "what I like about you". I swear, I've seen it 20 times. I went online to figure out what prerequisites needed for the bsn program at st. mary's. About 28 units was what I needed and 2 weeks to register for summer semester...but I didn't feel it in me to start this summer. I really believe that you have to feel that motivation to really start something, it lacked in me. I needed to do some saving before I go part time and part time school. The car I have has really taken a toll on me financially. I need a better paying job, then maybe I will feel safe. Other than that, yes..call me a procrastinator. But wouldn't you want "all of me" my mind my heart to be "there"?
I got ready for work and headed out. My hair hasn't been colored, my tattoo hasn't been done. They have been post poned. Yes, the unnecessary but its what I've been raving about. I gotta do what I say. That goes for a lot of things.
---
Work today was a hectic one. Dealt with 2 families who I felt tossed and pulled my arms like a doll..well not literally but its what I felt. Then, constant complaining from other pts...I really didn't think tonight was going to be..like this. I should just go to work knowing to "expect the unexpected" I don't know what I'd do without my assistants. I still was able to have a decent convo with him, discussed my april visit and we shared our excitement. I miss him a whole lot. I know he does more than me, so I asked him "how do you do it?!" He answered, "ling". Yes! That is.. Me...
My answer, "My hero".
As cheesy as it sounds. It is entirely true. I wouldn't know what to do without him. The distance makes the heart grow fonder. I look forward to him being here with me again. Days are passing and the time does not stop. We are going to be okay. Much assurance there.
So, do what you say. Finish what you started...
a message to myself.
I warmed up so noodles and slurped my soup while watching the some annoying females talk on channel 7 about the academy awards. Best dressed, worse dressed.who wore my favorite dresses? Marion cotillard and audrey hepburn. I don't think anyone else can compete with those two classic, gorgeous gowns! I'd like to get into making dresses, I wished I knew how to work my sewing machine:(
Alice In wonderland, the 1950s disney cartoon disappointment in box offices back when it was released..was our movie choice this morning. I noticed a lot of smoking,deception, mushroom eating, temptation in this film. That could explain the disapppointing reviews of the 50's movie critics for children films. Watching it still did not convince me to see the more modern and wacky version releasing at 12am tonight. Count me out. My plan was to see it with jen sunday. Not sure if ill be in orange county or los angeles yet.
As the hours went by before work, the regular schedule of abc family went on and I always wondered why they kept playing this one episode of "what I like about you". I swear, I've seen it 20 times. I went online to figure out what prerequisites needed for the bsn program at st. mary's. About 28 units was what I needed and 2 weeks to register for summer semester...but I didn't feel it in me to start this summer. I really believe that you have to feel that motivation to really start something, it lacked in me. I needed to do some saving before I go part time and part time school. The car I have has really taken a toll on me financially. I need a better paying job, then maybe I will feel safe. Other than that, yes..call me a procrastinator. But wouldn't you want "all of me" my mind my heart to be "there"?
I got ready for work and headed out. My hair hasn't been colored, my tattoo hasn't been done. They have been post poned. Yes, the unnecessary but its what I've been raving about. I gotta do what I say. That goes for a lot of things.
---
Work today was a hectic one. Dealt with 2 families who I felt tossed and pulled my arms like a doll..well not literally but its what I felt. Then, constant complaining from other pts...I really didn't think tonight was going to be..like this. I should just go to work knowing to "expect the unexpected" I don't know what I'd do without my assistants. I still was able to have a decent convo with him, discussed my april visit and we shared our excitement. I miss him a whole lot. I know he does more than me, so I asked him "how do you do it?!" He answered, "ling". Yes! That is.. Me...
My answer, "My hero".
As cheesy as it sounds. It is entirely true. I wouldn't know what to do without him. The distance makes the heart grow fonder. I look forward to him being here with me again. Days are passing and the time does not stop. We are going to be okay. Much assurance there.
So, do what you say. Finish what you started...
a message to myself.
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